Transgender Life
as a Social Experiment
Nora A. Simone
Nora (left) Wth Cis-Woman Friend Patrizia. Photo by C. Storm.
Transgender Life
as a Social Experiment
Nora A. Simone
Most of my life was experienced as a traditional man: family, work, hobbies, and spirituality. However, as a late blooming transwoman, life experiences were very different.
Sure, some differences were anticipated, but there were a good number of surprises too. To share my perspective on differences; groupings of people, experiences, and lessons learned are described. Without presenting as Nora, these differences most likely would not have been witnessed.
Transgender People
Transgender events, social groups, and online resources make it easy to connect with the trans community in real life. Consequently, it was straightforward to meet trans celebrities, activists, pioneers, authors, influencers, and more including mentor Abby Lauren who was my big sister. Lessons Learned: (1) There are millions of transgender people; (2) Transgender people may represent any nationality, profession, culture, religion, location, political leaning, economic status, sexual orientation, or anything else; (3) Sharing transgender vulnerability with a similar soul is incredibly bonding; and (4) Having one thing in common (being trans) does not mean we have ANY other commonality! Each is truly unique.
Transformation Experts
Expert transformation service providers help gender curious people authentically express themselves. They offer professional level skill in makeup, hair styling, deportment, wardrobe, shoes, and accessories. With their help, it was possible to walk into their studio as one gender and leave some hours later convincingly appearing as another!
A transformation expert also opens a portal into associated transgender experience opportunities. Advice on shopping, restaurants, clubs, meetings, and other services (e.g. medical) is often available. Aejae Franciscus is a good example. For years, she managed Carla’s, a social club for trans people in the San Francisco, CA, USA area. Closed now, it was a safe meeting place where transformation services and products were available. Lessons Learned: (1) Transformation experts can be a safe, valuable, and cost effective in-person first step for the gender curious; and (2) A surprising number of transformation experts are available in the USA, UK and many urban centers world-wide.
Allied Communities
Diverse LGBTIQ+ communities are often grouped together because of shared history in challenges and discrimination. As Nora I was now welcome to social and advocacy events with the broader LGBTIQ+ community collective. Further, diversity, inclusion and equity, advancements made under the gay rights movement are much more important and appreciated by trans people.
I’ve also learned that transgender people can further challenge social stereotype boundaries. My friend Andrea is an example. We initially met in the trans community, yet she revealed a keenness for Lolita fashion. New to me, I was amazed to learn of the history and global popularity of the Lolita fashion subculture. Lessons Learned: (1) LGBTIQ+ people are more likely to understand and accept trans people; (2) Trans people may seek to embody the ideal of their preferred gender (i.e. beauty pageants for transwomen); and (2) Transgender people, accustomed to being different, seem more likely to experiment and challenge stereotypes in other ways.
Mainstream Business
Never mistreated by a mainstream business I now seem to be even more valued as a customer! Careful consideration of whom I do business with has likely been a factor. Specifically, I seek times and places where enlightened comportment is expected. Museums, restaurants, hotels, historic sites, and shops that cater to a civilized clientele are typical. One example is Tiffany & Co (Tiffany). Sure, their branded items can be pricey, yet the shopping experience is second-to-none. Could it be because Tiffany policy states that “inclusiveness is not a luxury.’ At Tiffany I’ve been treated as a VIP on several occasions! Lesson Learned: (1) As Nora, I’ve often felt appreciated well beyond what was normally experienced; (2) Lots of mainstream businesses are owned or run by proud LGBTIQ+ people; and (3) Most businesses seek loyal customers regardless of their gender.
Religious Clergy
Raised Catholic, church acceptance of transgender people seemed impossible. Thus, it seemed miraculous to encounter The Very Reverend Mother Grace Wilgefortis Ferris, FCR at a transgender event. Without distraction of my self-identified gender, she saw me as I saw myself, and much more importantly, as I hoped God saw me. Lesson Learned: With time, being transgender may not affect traditional spirituality as it historical has. Hope so!
Artists
Transgender and non-binary artists have been pioneers in shaping a more inclusive understanding of gender in mainstream society. They challenge current understandings of identity and pave the way for a more aware and accepting future.
Performance artists such as beautiful transgender model/actress Carmen Carerra and award-winning Rolling Stone magazine cover photographer Mark Selinger were examples. In each case, we discussed their work and art, NOT gender. Thus, with them I felt liberated to learn while expressing my own full viewpoint. Lessons Learned: (1) Art is a powerful medium for exploring and expressing complex intersections of identity, body, and society; (2) Art has the power to reflect your life, your ideals, and your challenges in a way that may have never been expressed before; and (3) Transgender people who want to be seen and have their humanity elevated understand that art has the power to do it in a way never seen before.
Cis-women
Regardless of desire, a transwoman can never be a cis-woman. Transwomen experience womanhood in a way no cis-woman will, in particular the fight to simply be seen as a woman. Other transwomen-exclusive experiences include: fighting to get hormones; the stress of coming out as a woman; and being fetishized by men who are looking for a transwoman to sleep with.
Yet, similar to being in the LGBTIQ+ spectrum, cis- and transwomen share many challenges. They both have to fight for equal pay, ending violence toward all types of women, sexual harassment, and representation in media. Perhaps because of their curiosity, kindness, safety, or shared interests, my experience with cis-women has been remarkably positive. Lessons Learned: (1) Cis- and transwomen can fight together for similar causes; and (2) Cis-women, especially younger generations, tend to be more accepting of transwomen.
Haters and Predators
I now know what it feels like to be hated because of appearance and preyed upon because of a perceived vulnerability.
In mainstream media, transwomen are often portrayed as deceitful predators. In reality, the real predators are typically straight people afraid of transgender interlopers. As evidence, it’s reported that transwomen have been raped, beaten, and killed throughout history at a rate four times average.
Self-destructive insecurity, isolation, and potential humiliation are a dangerous combination, yet common in transgender people. Transgender people are easy targets for predators who do not necessarily hate transgender people. Rather, they seek to take advantage of their vulnerability for power or financial gain.
My experience includes businesses who charge an unnecessary premium for the “unique” needs of trans customers, online exclusive groups charging fees for access to the reportedly special needs of transgender people, and coercive blackmailers. Transgender people often do not directly confront hate and predators. Instead, they often bow to demands and hope the problem goes away. It doesn’t. Sigh.
Lessons Learned: (1) Transgender people can be predators of other transgender people (True); (2) Transgender specialty shops and services can be sources of transgender victimization; (3) It is especially important for transgender people to not share personal information that could be used against them; and (4) It’s better in the long run to fight hatred and predators.
Closing Note
Like a social experiment, presenting as a late blooming transwoman has provided an uncommon, yet extremely valuable, alternate world view. I’m grateful to those who aided and facilitated my trans education. Lesson Learned: Just because the past didn’t work out as desired, it doesn’t mean the future can’t be better.