A Complete Transformation
in 417 Days
Shay Robertson
What an amazing journey I have been on and wouldn’t
change an absolute thing.
I have gone from Sally to Shay in 18 months with my partner Julie by my side every step of the way, every appointment, every operation. Every minute, she has been there. My rock.
I started out as a girl called Sally, led my life as a lesbian – that’s what I thought I was – I fancied women. For me growing up, people were straight or gay. It has only been in the past 6 years I have actually known the word and understood what “Transgender” actually is.
I have done a few breakdowns of my story in “Transliving Magazine” over the past 18 months but I wanted to write something, as I am now complete, and extremely happy with my outcome.
I know the journey is a very hard one both ways around, FTM or MTF, and there are a lot of people go through this without support. I think this was a very big part, as I certainly needed it. But for me, I won’t say it was a breeze; but I was one of the lucky ones.
Every operation I had, I recovered really well from without any problems. Every consultant, every surgeon, every nurse I had the privilege to meet, was absolutely amazing; these people gave me the body and life I have dreamed of.
Each operation I had, apart from the first one, the double mastectomy, I was on a short waiting-list and was in with 1 or 2 days’ notice. I am lucky enough to run my own business so I can close when I need to. With the hysterectomy, I received a tummy tuck – not a tummy tuck that I understood, where I actually thought my spare tyre would go; but an operation to lift up the tummy. I had had 2 children, and where my tummy had stretched was not an ideal place for the phallus to go.
My choice of operations was the Radial Forearm surgery, which is where the skin of your arm is taken and rolled to make your phallus. I then had skin grafts taken from the buttocks where it meets the top of the legs in the crease, so to be honest unless you look carefully, you cannot see the scars; this was then stapled. It was a very long operation – around 9 hours I believe – but I was down for longer as I didn’t come around very well.
Obviously a very traumatic operation, leaving several places were very sore. My stay in Highgate hospital in London was for 7 days, such amazing people.
Afterwards, I struggled with daily routines, which is where Julie became my nurse. I had the district nurse coming in daily to dress my wounds, but after one nurse put a bandage on my arm way too tight and burst some blood vessels in my hand, it was decided by the doctor that Julie could do the dressings, and a nurse came out once a week to check everything was ok. I recovered really well and got back on my feet within a month. I was told the minimum time allowed between surgeries is 3 months but can take up to 12 months. For the next operation they allow the 3 months for things to heal.
When you start transitioning (from my experience), you want everything straight away, and this doesn’t happen. On September 1st I had a call from London saying they had a cancellation and did I want to go in the following day for my next operation; this was 3 months to the day.
I said yes straight away then put the phone down and thought wow I’m in tomorrow. Obviously, as it was such short notice I didn’t have time to plan for work, the animals at home, or sort out any accommodation for Julie, but we knew we could do this and we did. We woke up the following day and set off for London. I received an email giving me instructions on where to go – I was going back to St.John Elizabeth in St.Johns Wood. I was having a vaginectomy, where they close up the opening, leaving a catheter inside my phallus and also one in my stomach allowing my urine to collect in a bag giving time for the phallus to heal. It also involved Glans Sculpting to make the head of the phallus more cosmetically ideal. I must say, I found this operation quite draining. The first one was harder and longer, but I had so many pain killers I didn’t really feel any pain. This operation, I didn’t get much pain-relief, and struggled more. In my opinion as well, I didn’t like this hospital as much as the first one I attended. Here, I was just left in a room unless I called them, whereas in the other one, they always stuck their head in to see if you were ok and did way more observations, so I felt at ease as well. This time it was a 2-day stay. I found this more testing once home, as trying to walk with 2 catheters was very uncomfortable. I had to learn the technique of emptying my own bag (with no leaks), but again, apart from being sore, I got back on my feet in no time at all.
The feeling of walking around with different bits between my legs felt great, but I found I kept looking down I have to say. I did think I was rather on the large size, but was told it can be reduced if I wanted it to, but I figured I fancied the Ferrari, so I would keep what I had. Time went on with Julie looking after me. When I could finally have a shower it felt so good, as washing by hand, makes you feel dirty and you can’t get areas wet, especially the arm, bum, and between your legs. Sometimes things get you down as well such as when you can’t physically bend or do your normal activities. I also felt I was putting on Julie so much… but she never moaned at all.
Time went by and I had another call from London – could I go in in 2 days’ time. Again this was 2 days short of the 3 months. Yes please! I jumped at the chance. This was now to have the pump and rods inserted – my last stage (stage 3), and I would then be complete. I have been so lucky with the timing. Not many people get this chance, and are still waiting for their second operation whereas I am nearly finished.
I arrived again at St.John Elizabeth and was shown to my room – I was going to be first on the list. The surgeon arrived to discuss what was going to happen. I was having the AMS700 and 2 rods inserted. I had a reservoir in my tummy filled with saline, and one pump in one testicle. You gently squeeze the pump and the saline empties from the reservoir into the two rods making the rods hard and giving an erection. To deflate, you press in a different area – absolutely amazing technology – no tubing to be seen, no pump to be seen, nobody would ever know different.
I am so happy to finally become the man I should have been. I have been contacted by some people wanting more information, so please, if anyone wants to contact me, if I can help in any way even with pictures, please get in touch with me.
SHAY ROBERTSON
Thoughts
from
Shay’s
partner
Julie
Tabby
It’s been a year since Shay had his final surgery. It has been a very emotional journey for both of us. From the very first appointment with the doctor through to consultants and hospital stays I was there taking every step with Shay even if it meant I was sleeping outside the hospital in the car. His transition was also My transition, just without the physical changes. Would I change it? No, I wouldn’t. It’s been an amazing insight into how far someone would go, and the intense trauma someone would put their body through to become someone they truly are. Watching Shay go through his transition has been an inspiration to me. He is an amazing person and I wouldn’t change him for the entire world.
As well as being Shay’s partner I became his nurse and carer at home throughout his surgeries and it was an honour to be part of it all. Waiting for Shay to return from the theatre was traumatic, not knowing if he would even be back with me again. Watching him go through all the pain broke my heart, but it was what Shay needed to do. He was being given the ability to function and to be who he really is. It was a major step to being comfortable with his body. Despite the high risks behind each surgery being extremely high, to Shay, the risks were worth taking. As for me… it was a case of whatever makes Shay happy makes me happy. I would be, and wanted to be there for him, by his side 100000+%.
To see Shay happy and confident is all I’ve ever wanted, and that is exactly what has happened… I’ve never seen Shay so content with his whole self-interior AND exterior. I have been blessed to be part of his whole journey and to have witnessed the amazing work of the surgeons that have put the happiest beaming smile on my Shay’s handsome face. I was asked by someone how did I feel when my female partner told me they wanted to be a man?! My answer “male or female I’ve always loved and still do love Shay for WHO he is, not WHAT he is. He is still the same person just with a different exterior. The same eyes still look at me with the same amount of adoration, the hand I hold is still the same hand I held before, and he still has the same heart full of love, the same mind and soul…
He still is and always will be my heart, my love, my Shay!