On Being
Bigender
Nora A. Simone
On Being Bigender
Nora A. Simone
Being Bigender is NOT being two-faced
“Why is a beautiful genetic woman at a large transgender meeting?” I questioned when meeting female archetype Linda Mills – graceful, willowy, and classically pretty. She made eye-contact, smiled, and exclaimed Nora! I am so pleased to meet you! “Oh sure. I thought.” “She’s read my name tag and is just being two-faced (i.e., insincere) about meeting.” But as I soon learned Linda is not ‘two-faced’ in the traditional sense – rather, Linda is Bigender.
So, are you curious about Linda?
OK then, let’s learn more…
Linda recalls wishing she’d been born a girl at age 6 or 7. She struggled with this feeling for decades, yet not strongly enough to transition.
Linda’s lightbulb moment occurred at age 30 when she realised that if she had been born a cis woman, she’d also have had a desire to be a man. For Linda, it was not wanting to be the opposite gender assigned at birth, it was that she always had two genders: a duality. Finally understanding and accepting this duality put her on a path of personal growth and happiness.
Linda describes her current life as “happy.” She feels lucky to be Bigender as it allows her a broader perspective which single-gender people cannot experience. For example, it has made her a better spouse to a supportive wife.
A 1960’s American TV commercial for Certs Breath Mints helps Linda explain what Bigender means to her.
In that commercial two people argue “It’s a breath mint!” “No, it’s a candy mint!” This argument is resolved when the narrator explains that Certs is “Two, two, two mints in one!” That paradigm, ‘two types in one’ Linda believes, sums up being Bigender nicely. See https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X7MziVYtAgY.
Bigender normally describes a person whose sense of personal identity encompasses two genders. It is especially used by people who identify as both male and female like Linda, although it may include other gender-identities as well. Depending on presentation, desired pronouns could be he/him or she/her. Linda has both a male name (David) and a female name (Linda) so she sometimes refers to her total self as “Lindavid.”
Due to societal expectations, Linda acts in the role in which she presents. Most of the time, this is male. So, her female experiences largely happen internally. She says that at different times during a day she can feel more masculine or feminine. “It’s like the tide going in and out” she explains, and since her dominant gender is somewhat unpredictable, she does experience social and physical dysphoria.
Now some specific questions…
What do people misunderstand about being Bigender?
We are largely invisible because it is easy for us to hide day-to-day. The media largely overlooks us favouring full-time trans- men and women. Consequently, Bigender is a mystery to most people.
Are Bigender people accepted?
No, but unlike discrimination against other non-binary people, we are less noticeable in mainstream society. Sadly, I still occasionally experience disbelief, condescending interactions, and disrespect. As a result, I’ve a deep appreciation for committed-and-out transpeople.
Did you ever consider you had “dissociative identity disorder?”
A person with dissociative identity disorder takes on completely different personalities and usually does not remember what they did when one or the other was in charge. Temporarily identifying as a different gender is very different from being an entirely different person.
What triggers your gender change?
I could be triggered when seeing a woman whose appearance I admire and wish to emulate, or when I feel female camaraderie talking with another woman. Sometimes a visual cue is not necessary. For example, it is Linda answering these questions. When done, David may emerge. I’ve also learned to trigger gender-change intentionally – for example, when I go to a transgender event such as when I met Nora.
What happens when Linda needs to express herself but cannot?
I’ve learned to internalise and hide my feelings. It’s incredibly sad to have to do this but it is necessary for survival. As no one can read my mind, I simply blend in.
Does being Bigender affect your sexual orientation?
As a heterosexual male I’m attracted to women. But it’s a bit more complicated than that. I’d have to magically become a woman in all ways before I could ever be romantically involved with a man. This is neither possible nor desired.
If it was easy to transition at an early age, would you have?
Yes, there is a chance I would have transitioned. But I now know it would have been a mistake. You see, I’m both a woman and a man, in a man’s body. If I had a woman’s body, I’d still be Bigender. I often wonder if there is way too much pressure put on people to transition these days.
What life-experience does Linda want but knows she will never have?
First, I desire the freedom to just be who I am in a non-judgmental society. On a deeper level, my inner girl yearns to experience pregnancy, nurse a child, and have other female experiences.
What is your life motto?
To quote Socrates: “The unexamined life is not worth living.” Being different (i.e., Bigender) motivates me to examine my life and explore who I am as a person.
What words do you have to inspire others?
There is a unique joy in being Bigender. Having a deep understanding of what it means to be male and female is incredibly enriching. If you’re fortunate to have this duality, you have an amazing perspective that “normal” people, never will.
What resources are available for those who want to learn more?
An Internet search will reveal websites with useful information, and some Bigender people on YouTube. I also host a free website focused on the joys of being Bigender. www.lindacdny.com.
To learn more:
Linda Mills | lindacdny@gmail.com
Nora A. Simone empowers others by dispensing truth | norasimone@yahoo.com
Recognised Bigender resource, Linda Mills, is kind, gracious, sincere, and creative. Over five years, I’ve witnessed her consistently demonstrate genuine interest in helping others, and am honoured to be her friend.
Sarah Moore