Pamela Lennon
Answering to her own conscience
Nora A. Simone
“I’m not sure being transgender has impacted key
life choices in any significant way.”
Pamela Lennon is among the fortunate ones. Despite experiencing a different world as most transgender people do, she’s found ways to advance in education, career, and relationships. In fact, she says “I’m not sure being transgender has impacted key life choices in any significant way.” Thus, for many who are “stuck,” bits of her enviable story presented here are worth sharing.
The intent of this article is to inspire you to believe that if she can do it, you can do it better.
Early Life
Decades ago, Pamela grew up in Ireland when the Roman Catholic Church exercised draconian societal control. Uniformity and conformity were required. As an example of this strict atmosphere, Pamela was beaten at school for being left-handed! Thus, a boy dressing as a girl would likely be indicative of a Satan-influenced mental illness. Pamela says “In such an environment, you either cave-in or grow strong and I chose the latter.” She avoided unwanted attention by performing well academically and playing football. Yet she was increasingly aware of a non-conformist quirkiness.
Feeling Different
Pamela reports viewing the world differently from others her entire life. For example, at age 7 or 8 she remembers girls going to a birthday party in pretty dresses. Pamela wanted to do the same and simultaneously knew it wise to avoid expressing this desire. It was such experiences which informed her conscious desire to dress in a feminine manner. Today, many years later, this feeling continues as a happily embraced part of who she is.
Ireland
“The country has changed radically from when I was growing up in the 20th Century” says Pamela. She reports that legal rights, including employment safeguards are very good for transgender people today. Yet, she says that there is little mainstream visibility of transwomen. “That may be”, says Pamela, “because with a small population and the village mentality everyone knows everyone, so it’s challenging to keep such matters confidential here.”
Friends and Family
The most important person in her life, Pamela’s spouse, knows and accepts the situation. She says “I told her before we married and she has always been incredibly supportive.” Otherwise very few people know. Caution in sharing that information is necessary because Pamela believes, most people, including family, would not be comfortable with her expressing femininity. Just because something is legal, does not mean it is accepted nor comfortable for everyone.
Going Out
Pamela goes out in public several times a month, where she “aims to appear age and occasion appropriate.” Doing so makes her feel confident in a potentially uncomfortable situation. Initially, she sought to blend in and be unnoticed. Yet, over time, she developed her own sense of style to reflect how she sees herself . . . as any woman would.
A defining moment for Pamela occurred when out for a meal with her spouse. An English lady came across the dining room, touched Pamela’s arm and said “You are beautiful and your dress is gorgeous. You really look absolutely fabulous.” Thrilled and validated, Pamela thereafter saw herself in a new light. Now, she doesn’t hide. She engages! According to Pamela “It’s a wonderful experience to meet and chat with people, often women, who interact very positively.” Given these experiences, Pamela believes there is much goodwill towards transwomen who make a sincere effort with a respectable presentation.
Advice to Fearful Transgender People
“It depends on the particular circumstances of the individual concerned, what they want from life and how much effort and sacrifice they are prepared to put into making it happen. It’s a terrible thing to have to say but sometimes the best advice might be to keep their status secret for the present but to not give up hope and to look for safe opportunities.”
Transgender Friends Are Friends
Pamela enjoys going out with local transwoman Debbie, and occasionally friends who are more geographically distant. “It’s not enough to base a friendship solely on a transgender identity” Pamela emphasizes, and adds “While being trans is a solid starting point, there must be other shared interests as with all long-term friendships.” Thus, transgender friendships are no different than other friendships. Thus, rare trans friendships are priceless.
Some Things to Know About Pamela
- She believes the most important thing in life is to be kind and help others. She does this is by moderating a free Internet group on Flickr titled “Just Class.”
See www.flickr.comHer participation is uniformly supportive of others and often humorous. I first encountered Pamela through this group and remain impressed with her contributions.
- To express creativity, Pamela writes short stories. They usually feature an element of understated magic and provide a redemption opportunity for one of the leading characters. For some, including me, writing is a way to be fully immersive in our true selves regardless of appearance. Thus, writing could be considered useful therapy.
- In terms of “bucket lists,” Pamela finally played tennis in public last year. As an exciting and liberating experience, it demonstrated what can be done if we are up to the challenge.
- Pamela plans to attend at least one Ladies’ Day this year. She says “Not only will it be fun but it’s also an opportunity to ‘fly the flag’ in a good way for mature stylish transwomen.”
Pamela recalls a specific moment of life-inspiration
It was while reading her first Sherlock Holmes story where Holmes explained to Watson that his guiding principle was always to “answer to my own conscience.” That permanently impressed upon Pamela that we’re responsible for the choices we make for better or worse, including in our transgender lives. Thus, perhaps you can be inspired and guided by simply reading this article.
When I first learned about Pamela, she was self-described as surly. As our friendship grew, I learned the opposite was true. Consequently, instead of thinking Pamela as the fortunate one, it is I, her friends, and those she has yet to meet who are fortunate. Don’t you agree?
Nora A. Simone
